back! finally…

September 29, 2009 at 2:03 pm (Uncategorized)

Hello, im back, its amazing what coffee, job hunting and reflection on ur future can do.

i am considering changing this blog to something like ‘the mildly depressed, badly edited blog’, or something like that, that seems to be the only time im here!

oh well

so what has been happening I hear you say? well, plenty

the job hunt has stalled badly, but i have decide to go back to uni to be a teacher, the one thing i really thought i could and would never do. im so terrified, but the job security, realisation im pretty much surrounded by teachers and seem to have had teaching suggested to me by almost everyone i know at one point or another, has kinda convinced me. and sometimes you have to do what scares you, right?

the biggest thing was in august, i got a boyfriend! he’s great, really wonderful. if i may get mushy here, he holds me im that perfect way, a brilliant combination of gentle and firm. he’s tall and skinny (im not), so we make a perfectly odd couple and there are so much evidence for this. he is similar and different in just the ways i like. he is a HUGE nerd, going to be a math teacher and he plays dnd. his kisses, wow his kisses, i wont go into it, but they leave me feeling all the wonderful cliches there are about kissing. he wears glasses but he prefers contacts and he looks so handsome either way. he isnt classically handsome, and im not normally attracted to some of his features, but every inch of him is almost perfect (i never say perfect cos it doesnt exist in humans, but he’s oh so close).  we share values, he says hes a Christian, we can talk for hours and he makes me so comfortable. he feels closer to me than even my sister, and i love her more than most ppl in this world. it has been 2 months and i have fallen for him so hopelessly and completely.

unfortunately, i dont know if it will last.

i will update on thursday, hopefully, but last time we hung out he told me he ‘you’ve been feeling more like a friend’. OUCH! he said on paper im almost perfect and he doesnt know why he feels like this, but he does, and we agreed next time i saw him properly he would have decided, because its his decision.  so, im praying he will make the right decision. i am hoping too, but it doesnt look good 😥 

well, either i wont be back for a while because of new found bliss with my man, or i will be back ranting about the uselessness and directionlessness of my life and how even my sim is doing better than me etc, etc, brought on because he dumps me.  i really cant wait for the day when i can look back at this, slightly embarrassed but praising God because with hindsight, in amongst all this confusion, i will see His plan. but for now i will pray.

thanks for reading

Cessy5

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