What happened to Uni 2010

November 18, 2010 at 8:07 pm (Uncategorized) ()

Hi everyone,

 

So, yet again another post and lots of change has happened. First and arguably the biggest is that uni is finished! However, I didn’t finish my degree 😦. I deferred. 

 

I was placed at a great school close to me but I think I just stressed out to much. I was having trouble working on lesson plans and felt physically ill. I just couldn’t get my mind to focus on what I needed to do. I didn’t want to let anyone down, especially the teachers who I was so thankful for letting me into their classrooms and the kids for putting up with me. I felt bad to because I knew other people who thought they felt the same, was I just not strong enough? Surely I can do anything. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough, or I didn’t ask for enough help. Is it that I am too selfish? Unable to put away little things that I wanted to do? Letting myself get distracted? I would say one of these things distracting me was quite significant but idk, maybe it could have waited? Bah.

 

Another thing that had been weighing on me was that I may have started for the wrong reasons. In my mind it isn’t why you start that is most important, but why you keep going. I think I had been struggling to find that reason and I just wasn’t really having fun. I think there was still potential for me to have fun, but it just hadn’t happened at that point when I felt I needed to make my decision.

 

I began to form the view that I need to learn how to live with normal stresses of life before adding stuff like the stresses of teaching. This might seem a little strange to some (like my dad) but here is my thinking. I will always have a house, a job, probably a car and family and all the stresses that come with that. I want to be able to figure out how to do those basic things before I deal with a highly involved job like teaching, which is hard and often thankless.

 

Another part of my reasoning is its impact on my Christian life. From the start I never really had a peace that it was the will of God. On a daily level I didn’t get time in the Word and in prayer like I knew I needed to be. It is the priority in my life and not being able to do what I consider to be the basics of my faith really upset me.

 

In the end I was surprised at how well everyone took my decision and how supportive they were. My dad was having issues of his own and didn’t take it all well. Because of that he said some hurtful things but that is all I will say on that. I am so thankful for all the people who would tell me about the courage it took to make my decision and that it was a good step.

 

I’m not sure what I will do now, or if I will even go back. It’s time to think a bit about what I will do next.

 

So, after that massive piece of info, I also got my first massage ever. Different experience that’s for sure. I wonderful woman from church offered to do it for me so I took the chance. It was like an all over massage and it was amazing. As it was my first time I had trouble relaxing, even when I managed it I was so tense! Up around my shoulders especially. When she was massaging the worst pain was in my shoulders, elbows and my lower inner thighs. And she was only giving me a relaxing massage! Since the experience different parts of my body have been making their present known. First were my arms when I went to roll over. They felt heavy and moved weirdly. Then my left knee was sore driving home which was uncomfortable. While I was trying to sleep my back and hips kinda gave me issues and the next day  my hips were a bit strange, but I think that’s partly because my computer chair sux. My left shoulder was a bit painful sometimes too.  UPDATE:  I actually have a bruise on my shoulder!

 

 

Finally, emerging news on the relationship front. First you will need some back-story. Because I was busy, and just plain forgot…somehow, I went to a wedding in July. It was interstate and I had lots of fun and met a lot of great people. One person in particular seemed to think I was interesting to, for some reason. But I came back to my state expecting to hear nothing more about it. Shock horror he actually texted me! Well I never. We started to chat online and I set out with the intention of being a friend and a friend only. I can’t explain how things changed but we are at a stage now where, once we get some stuff sorted out, we will be together :D. I say this with a regrettable grain of salt as I am still kinda scared about it all and I guess I’m still guarding myself a bit from potential hurt. But as with most things time will tell.

 

Oh yeah, and I went to that allergist and found I’m allergic to a bunch of stuff. I hope to post that experience later.

 

Ha, so that’s been my life for the last little bit. Later 😉

 

Cessy

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